tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34037344029598273032024-02-19T18:09:04.745-08:00Im Screaming InsideMelissahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16860703286756323104noreply@blogger.comBlogger27125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3403734402959827303.post-71022385232318925752012-12-23T17:00:00.002-08:002012-12-23T17:00:48.502-08:00My New Year Resolution!<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
My new year resolution is to disappear and start fresh. The problem is, I have two babies. I love them so much but I just cant deal anymore. I feel like they would just be better without me, everyone would. I'm not talking suicide because I am too much of a coward. Although that often creeps into my head. There isn't one person that could possibly understand what it is like to be me, to be in my head, to be so impulsive and frustrated with life. For years I have suffered from anger and severe depression. It seems that no matter how much therapy or medication I try I just cant kick it. I am running out of energy. This year for Christmas, my family broke up. (12yrs is a long time) My daughter is crushed and my son is too young to understand. I did love him once and my intentions were to spend always and forever with him. We had our problems but we always got through it. I guess we both ran out of energy fighting to keep it together. It seems to me that through all the excuses, this is my fault. I was too much of a bitch and expected too much. He said I tried to change him and he wants to find himself again. The thing is, I only asked for simple things but it was too much. I didn't want him to change, I just wanted to move forward with our lives instead of just standing in the same place. The minute I entered college things changed between us. It felt like instead of working with me, he was working against me. We have been up and down for a few years now. Everything just fell apart. I can say that he tried to be affectionate but I was so angry about things that were going on that I pushed him away. Just sitting next to him was a task. Maybe I was wrong, maybe my expectations were too high. It really doesn't matter where the blame lies because its over now. My heart hurts and I cant stop crying. The thing is, I have wished him gone a million times but now I want him back. I want us when we loved to cuddle and laugh about stupid stuff. I want to be able to lay in bed with our babies and watch a movie, go on hikes, trips to new places together. Our memories are not bad but are painful. Today I intentionally hurt him. I removed everything as if he never existed to me and told him this. I wont talk to him and made it so the kids have to endure Christmas separately. Believe me I don't want this for my kids but if he is there I will just cry. I know this is wrong and selfish but this seems to be my coping method. Ive used it for years. Dismissed many from my life. I thought that if I did this, the pain would stop. I was wrong. He is different from the others. I want to call him and beg him to come home but I wont. I want him to hold me in his arms and tell me we are going to be OK. It wont happen cause I am too stubborn to show that I'm hurting. Instead I will be mean and nasty. I will make this as hard as it can possibly be. I have no restraint. I make plans to tell him, to do this the right way and let him leave peacefully and then I well don't know what happens. I gave him all our memories. The pictures, the jewelry, anything that he gave me I gave back. So this is where I am at. I seem to be no good for anybody at this point and am thinking about letting him take the kids and leaving. Drop out of school and take one of the away from home positions. I will see and talk to my babies but wont torture them with my presence. Maybe someday he will find someone who treats him better and can be a better mom then I can be.I just wanna crawl in a hole and die, alone and empty with regrets!!!<br />
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Melissahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16860703286756323104noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3403734402959827303.post-20773097241471217472011-06-27T07:50:00.000-07:002011-06-27T07:50:35.222-07:00The Question!!!!!!!!!!!!<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">What is your definition of a parent?</div>Melissahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16860703286756323104noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3403734402959827303.post-20361798138693119162011-04-05T19:08:00.000-07:002012-12-23T17:01:32.941-08:00Letting them grow, learn, make mistakes and become their own person<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Tonight I had a very long discussion with my sister regarding the phrase "As parents we need to give our children space to let them grow, learn, make mistakes and become their own person". It became a very deep 2hr long discussion. Not that I minded because I enjoy hearing her point of view, she can be very insightful. She always brings up some good points that get me thinking. I hope no one takes offense to this post or takes it as a personal attack because in no way am I trying to do that. I'm just stating my opinion on the subject. <br />
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Nothing is black and white in parenting. Regarding the phrase "As parents we need to give our children space to let them grow, learn, make mistakes and become their own person" I agree but fear that its been taken out of context. No where in this statement does it say that you should let your children raise themselves. It is just simply telling you not to hover over their every decision, allow them to make mistakes but still be there for them at the same time. Children still need guidance, rules, boundaries and stability. They might not always like what we say or expect of them but its important for them to hear and know. Don't get me wrong because I myself make errors in how I handle things but I just feel we need to be more aware. It is our responsibility as parents. Sure they may still make stupid mistakes but at least they were guided in the right direction. I think today many of us are slacking in this department.<br />
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Have you noticed how many young girls are running around half dressed. They barley look their age anymore. Just the other day I saw a young girl maybe 14yrs of age wearing see through leggings with no panties. I wanted to pull the car over, give her a lesson in what is appropriate and whats not.Where was her mother when she left the house? These young girls have no respect for themselves, portraying themselves as something they are not let alone can handle. Dressing the way they do also causes them to become targets to all those sickos. It doesn't help that stores are selling these provocative clothes either. I was looking for skirts for my 8yr old, after 4 stores I still hadn't found one that was a comfortable length. They were all way to short! <br />
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Not only are they dressing inappropriately but are sexually active at a younger age now too. Getting pregnant as young as 11yrs old both willing and accidentally. Where was the guidance these children needed? How does this keep slipping past the parents or for that matter the school because that's where it seems to be happening more often? This is disturbing to me! Action needs to be taken! There are free clinics yet the pregnancy and disease rate is still rising in our young. Did you know 65 million people are currently living with incurably sexual transmitted diseases and<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> </span></span>nearly 2/3 of all STD's occur in people younger than 25 years of age.<br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"></span>Some parents are even allowing their children to do drugs and drink as long as its in their own home. They have the notion that they will be safer that way. In some way I can see their point but in another your giving the child the idea that its OK. There are drug and alcohol laws for a reason. I'm aware that all teenagers or most at some point will try drugs but is this a rational way of thinking.<br />
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I am not putting it all on the parents because I think it depends on the situation. I am simply saying that in most cases a little guidance and discipline can go a long way. I'm going to end my rant now. Thanks for reading.</div>
Melissahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16860703286756323104noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3403734402959827303.post-88426083773084720212011-03-19T20:46:00.000-07:002011-03-19T20:48:00.824-07:00Double Ear Infection!<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">The past week has been hell for me, to put it lightly. Having two very sick kids is no fun to deal with. Two Thursdays ago both my kids came down with what I thought was a cold. They both had runny noses, congestion with cough, and were just plain miserable. I picked up some cold medication thinking it would help but I was very wrong.<br />
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Friday all my daughter wanted to do was sleep, she started running a fever, complaining that her head hurt. This concerned me because she is not one to lay around all day even if she is sick and this kid didn't move from the couch all day. It was a good thing they canceled school because she would of missed yet another day. My son at this point was just really cranky but other wise fine. He was running around causing havoc like usual! That night Jazz woke up screaming, talking about an orange pill, how she tried to stand up but.... (she never finished). She wasn't making any sense! It wasn't long before she calmed down and went back to sleep.<br />
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By Saturday things had gotten worse and my daughter was complaining of chest pain too. The chest pain was very alarming for me because she has asthma so I called the doctor. They were nice enough to call a script in for her inhaler. The problem with this was I had no way to get it so I steamed up the bathroom and had her drink black coffee. I'm told it helps open up the airways. She was good after this, so we were able to wait till morning. You see its been over a year since her asthma has acted up, so the inhaler I did have turned out to be expired (just my luck). My son at this point was just a really cranky but other wise fine. I think it also helped both of them that their Aunt and cousins came over for the night. I know, the kids were sick right! What was I thinking? It had been planned and my sister doesn't get to come over much due to transportation issues, so I followed through with it.<br />
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Sunday morning was the St Patrick's Day Parade and The Shamrock Run, something Jazmyn had signed up for in school. It was very important to her, she even wants to do the relay for life. She begged me to let her go, so I broke and said yes. Where was my motherly instincts than right! It was cold, windy, just not a day for a run or Parade. Jazz was running with my mom, niece and nephew originally but than my sister decided to run with her four kids too. This made me feel a bit better because now there would be two adults if Jazz couldn't handle it. I figured I would meet them half way just in case Jazz needed to stop (any of the kids for that matter). At the same time I could stay with my son for his first Parade. Well things didn't go as planned, Jazz ended up separated from both adults. She came walking down the sidewalk with my nephew instead of running. My nephew had ended up carrying her most of the way because her chest hurt. I was pissed, I had left her with two adults and neither one was with her. Not only was my daughter separated but she didn't have her inhaler either. It was back with my mother. It wasn't long before my mom came up the street and I was able to grab her. Jazz took the inhaler and decided to keep going. The problem was, I had no idea till her and my mother were already gone. I had turned my attention to my son for a second and they disappeared. Thank god Jazz was fine, she returned with my mother with no more problems. We went from the Parade to lunch, than home. My sister and her kids left later that night. My kids were exhausted so ended up passing out soon after she left. That night Jazz woke up screaming again! She was yelling "he is coming to get me". She curled up in a ball on her bed crying. It took about ten minutes to calm her down. She ended up sleeping in our room with us. <br />
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Monday morning I had enough and called the doctor. They were nice enough to see the kids right away. It turns out they both had ear infections. He prescribed them antibiotics and sent us on our way. I didn't want Jazz to get too behind so I went to the school to pick up her work. When I got there I was told that 52 kids had gone home the day before with similar symptoms as Jazz. The teachers exact words were "he kids are dropping like flies, they come in fine and go home sick". This was not what I wanted to hear. It must be the drastic changes in weather. When will the warm weather come and just stay?<br />
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The kids are still not better. Jazz finally felt good enough to go back to school Wednesday but is still congested. Jaidyn seems to be getting worse not better. I hate to sound like a terrible mom but I need this to end! I'm tired and overwhelmed!<br />
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</div>Melissahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16860703286756323104noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3403734402959827303.post-4651458621251621182011-03-14T12:59:00.000-07:002011-03-14T13:10:28.715-07:00Mommy's a loser!<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiZJiULS67Vqob2DC0V9CuwBJfV_WinaFFsDBoHhGlx6lVCkloyQwBcH2PY9J2lHVGum-4P0u94-P3VVgFYBUZYV-JN7N_Ve6J_7HzUXE3AP99crgktWkkg9_3Mfn3wHwE1Djeuz8mTLwPG/s1600/DSCN4089.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiZJiULS67Vqob2DC0V9CuwBJfV_WinaFFsDBoHhGlx6lVCkloyQwBcH2PY9J2lHVGum-4P0u94-P3VVgFYBUZYV-JN7N_Ve6J_7HzUXE3AP99crgktWkkg9_3Mfn3wHwE1Djeuz8mTLwPG/s320/DSCN4089.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><span style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif; font-size: small;">The picture you see to your left was drawn by my 8yr old </span><span style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif; font-size: small;">daughter </span><span style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif; font-size: small;">the other day. Can you tell she was mad at me? I cant even be upset because she has a right to her feelings. I hate when she is mad at me but I guess that comes with being a mom. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;">My daughter and I have always had a very good relationship but the last two years have been really rough for her. You see she was an only child for 7yrs, so when her brother was born there were some drastic changes. Changes that she is still struggling with. The princess is no longer the center of attention. She also has responsibilities that she didn't have before. I feel that she is old enough to clean her own room, put her clothes away, feed and water the animals on occasion, pick her own clothes out, etc.... I'm pretty sure you get the point! What a long list right! Not all of the changes came from having another child, some things changed because of her age. I want her to do well in school so I keep it simple but I also need her to take some responsibility. </span></div><div style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgq6VFmD2XX0480Oyt-OGbzMHZJLwbElp_CyCvQmZOG8QX_lZDoMnpz-1clMipZKMeh7EzzWzvb5iIw2ISOmH_K3roAd9n-u508nqtDX_ZAfpcBO-fl_WGSWcUSyOS3iuLvxDqewPm8Ilf2/s1600/DSCN3454.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgq6VFmD2XX0480Oyt-OGbzMHZJLwbElp_CyCvQmZOG8QX_lZDoMnpz-1clMipZKMeh7EzzWzvb5iIw2ISOmH_K3roAd9n-u508nqtDX_ZAfpcBO-fl_WGSWcUSyOS3iuLvxDqewPm8Ilf2/s200/DSCN3454.JPG" width="150" /></a></span><span style="font-size: small;">Now that I have gone way off course I will get back to the picture and explain what happened. We recently ran into this great deal at the dollar tree where I got two Cars organizers and a Cars art desk for a total of $4. (No this is not a typo) There was no way I was passing this up! Well some days I wish I did. She has her own desk and more than enough art supplies but just because Jaidyns is new she has to use it. Well when my son sees her using it of course he wants to use it. Need I remind you it was bought for him. She literally pushes him off the stool and fights with him over his own desk. Can you picture that, my 8yr old fighting with my 21 month old over his own art desk that she is way too big for by the way. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;">The other day I had enough so when the fighting began I sent her to her room to use her own desk. Tell me, how was this an unreasonable request? To her it was the end of the world! A matter of fact she didn't even move, just ignored me, continued to draw and run her mouth. I had to walk away because if I didn't I was going to snap. When I came back she had went to her room. Thinking it was over and that she had calmed down I proceeded to her room just to reassure her that I wasn't mad. On my way I found the picture above hanging on my bird cage. You can imagine my surprise when I took it off and realized what it said. Truthfully I had to laugh, she has never done anything like this before. Hopefully I will have no more problems with the desk from this point out. I know, wishful thinking right!</span></div></div>Melissahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16860703286756323104noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3403734402959827303.post-23348236241564752462011-02-25T20:33:00.000-08:002011-02-26T12:15:49.883-08:00The accident!<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">I know its impossible to protect your child from ever being embarrassed or hurt but today I wish it were. I remember those moments, how it felt, how it followed me. Still to this day some of the cruel things kids did and said effect me. I realize that it is unrealistic to want, it just hurts me to see her hurt.<br />
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Today, I received a call from my daughters teacher saying that there was an situation towards the end of the day. She sounded very concerned as she explained to me that Jazmyn had an accident in class. At first I thought maybe Jazz had pooped in her pants. You see she has a medical condition that causes her bowels to get backed up and then it hurts for her to go so she holds it. In the end she ends up smearing in her underwear. I was very wrong at this assumption.<br />
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My understanding is that they were playing a game called 7up and she just wet herself. The teacher says Jazz didn't ask or show any signs of having to go. She didn't even acknowledge the fact that she had wet herself, just kept on playing. One of the other kids just happened to notice the puddle and pointed it out to the teacher. In doing so, the other kids became aware of what had happened. All the children started laughing at her, making fun of her for what had happened. When asked Jazz told the teacher "A pipe must be leaking". Poor kid either really had no idea or was too embarrassed. <br />
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To make things worse they never changed her clothes. The teachers excuse was it was ten minutes before boarding the bus but I feel that's a poor excuse. If they had called me, I would of gone to get her. Instead she had to sit in pissed clothes all the way home. It must of been torcher for her. I cant even imagine how she must of felt. Some of the kids in her class are on her bus and you know just as well as I how cruel kids can be.<br />
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When she came in I didn't mention it at first. I was thinking she would talk to me about it on her own time. She was very quiet, just stood in the living room watching TV for a few minutes before I asked her what had happened at school. Her response was nothing, she was so embarrassed that she didn't even want me to know. I wanted to let it go but couldn't. She needed to get cleaned up and changed. When I finally got her talking, she told me the same thing she told the teacher " A pipe must of leaked". I didn't want to pressure her but I needed to know, so I told her to come to me so I could check her. She refused, told me that she had an accident. I told her she should go get cleaned up and changed. As she walked into her room she started to cry. I felt so bad, I wanted to cry with her. Its so painful to see your child hurting like that.<br />
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<span style="font-size: x-large;">To be continued...</span><br />
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</div>Melissahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16860703286756323104noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3403734402959827303.post-59274983295013892112011-02-23T19:59:00.000-08:002011-02-28T17:54:31.201-08:00Worry wart!<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">My daughter is a little worry wart. She makes everything into something bigger than it is and gets overly upset about the littlest things. You might actually find this kind of humorous, I know I did.<br />
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The other day we were driving into town and the gas light came on, Jazmyn, my 8yr old had a near heart attack because we didn't immediately go get gas. She says to me a few seconds after the ding went off " Can we get gas? "Putting it in the form of a question but saying it in a demanding way. I reassured her we would but that wasn't good enough. A few minutes later she says "Your wasting gas!" She didn't shut up about it till we pulled into a station. I told her we were fine and we would get gas soon. She still wouldn't let up, saying "I'm serious, we could break down at any second" in a very concerned voice. At this point her father chimed in saying "we were fine, that we would just run out of gas not break down". I don't know what possessed him to say that but it just got her going more. She was truly in a panic about the possibility of us running out of gas. The car didn't help matters because the stupid thing dinged again too. Jazz says " Yeah but will will get stuck and me and Jaidyn are here". How cute is that, she thought of her baby brother. I just ignored her, I was sick of hearing it. We were going to get gas but needed to do a few things first. A few minutes go by and she says " I'm serious we should really get gas!". She was loud and very assertive when she said this, almost like she wasn't giving us an option. We could see she was really distressed by it so went and got gas. It was cute but aggravating at the same time!</div>Melissahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16860703286756323104noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3403734402959827303.post-14980007815327413642011-02-16T20:33:00.000-08:002011-02-16T20:33:37.930-08:00Report Cards!<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"> It's report card time! Normally this is not a stressful time for me. My daughter does well in school with very little difficulties. She has always had trouble staying focused but this has not held her back much. The school she goes to has been very supportive, giving her the help she needs even though she doesn't qualify for it. They allowed her to wear headphones if she felt distracted, played classical music for a calming environment, even placed her in a class with 3 or more teachers. Her teacher from last year is still involved, checking up on her every once in a while. <br />
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I got her report card this week. She dropped in everything, went from a straight A student to a B-C student. I am so disappointed. I know that she is passing but I just don't want her to start slacking. I know she is capable of more. To make it worse I had a meeting with her teachers and got some bad news. When I walked into that meeting I wasn't prepared for what I was approached with. They feel that Jazmyn has trouble processing and want to send her for testing. They feel that she is an amazing kid but struggles to keep up. How do I take this? She has been a straight A student up until this point, what more do they want. She is even still passing.<br />
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In my heart I know they are just trying to look out for her. Trying to make sure she will get and continue to have the help she needs now and in the future. I should be thanking them, being grateful that I have people looking out for my daughter but instead I am unsure how to feel. My emotions are going crazy! Maybe just because I don't want to except that there might be something wrong, that she might struggle through life instead of walk through it as I pictured. I am so pathetic, sitting here feeling sorry for myself when I didnt even notice that my child was struggling. <br />
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Something else is bothering me about the meeting though. I felt as if they were questioning my parenting. At one point they told me that she seemed very stressed, that I should be careful how hard I push her. Maybe they are right. I am pretty hard on her, I just want her to know how important a good education is. I don't want her to be like me, struggling to get a job because I only got my GED. It was really hard to say that! Once again I have made this about me. What kind of mother am I?<br />
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Part of her struggles probably come from the fact that I am not as involved as I was or would like to be. As all of you already know my son at 22months is still not talking very well. He says very little and what he does say he isn't consistent with. Screaming seams to be all he does anymore. Due to his need for my undivided attention I haven't been consistent with my daughter. Often sending her off to due her homework instead of sitting with her to do it, forgetting to test her on her words or being unable to read with her at night. She needs this but I am struggling to give it to her.<br />
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Her grades are not the only thing changing for the worst. She is more disrespectful and argumentative lately. My baby girl wants my attention so bad that she will take any at all. I don't want to spend my moments with her upset and yelling. I would rather shower her with positive attention but its been so hard. <br />
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Now that I got it out I have to tell you that I have made some changes. I have made it a nightly routine to brush our teeth, hair, then cuddle and read together.(the three of us) On the nights that their father doesn't work he is in charge of occupying Jaidyn while I help jazz with her homework. I have also made a promise to myself and daughter not to be so hard on her. After all she is just a child! I hope that by making some changes at home and allowing the school to do the testing, if necessary even get her the help she needs will help her.<br />
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</div>Melissahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16860703286756323104noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3403734402959827303.post-20593062975097252902011-02-15T12:29:00.000-08:002011-02-15T12:29:59.130-08:00Read Me!!!!!! Read Me!!!! Read Me!!!!<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">I am dedicating this post to my sister Belinda!<br />
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I know its been pretty rough for all of us. I realize that our past actions have made it so we are not as close as sisters might be. I wanted to let you know that I think of you often, that I love you very much and that regardless of what happens from this point I will always hold you close.<br />
<div style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-large;"><b>Happy </b></span></div><div style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-large;"><b>Birthday </b></span></div><div style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-large;"><b>Sis!</b></span></div><br />
</div>Melissahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16860703286756323104noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3403734402959827303.post-55914918923829089302011-02-06T07:57:00.000-08:002011-02-06T07:57:45.228-08:00The family pets!<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b> The Family Pets!</b></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b>Cali</b></span></td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b>Cinnamon</b></span></td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b>Bella</b></span></td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b>Simon</b></span></td></tr>
</tbody></table><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiDoQPQMhthDz_RGKAyJsc0RJbrGD65Iu8sOhnNabpv983Yr1_MSoWcz6jfaRr9QScvJ9tPzZdtegodgLWeM3yMVcTbEu_Rftdi-j-O8AIyitzbXOvPXCFWz6SZqk_qgmdNcYJVm0pgNcf_/s1600/DSCN1645.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiDoQPQMhthDz_RGKAyJsc0RJbrGD65Iu8sOhnNabpv983Yr1_MSoWcz6jfaRr9QScvJ9tPzZdtegodgLWeM3yMVcTbEu_Rftdi-j-O8AIyitzbXOvPXCFWz6SZqk_qgmdNcYJVm0pgNcf_/s320/DSCN1645.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>Melissahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16860703286756323104noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3403734402959827303.post-73502691556954325762011-01-30T19:50:00.000-08:002011-01-31T06:08:32.019-08:00Dear Man in my life:<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">I am so tired of feeling unappreciated <strike>I am not your fucking slave!</strike>. Its not like I sit on my ass all day and do nothing. Taking care of the house, the kids, and<span style="background-color: white;"> </span><span style="color: yellow;"><span style="background-color: white; color: black;">you</span> </span>is no picnic. Its a lot more work then you think. Being a stay at home mom is a full time job. By full time I don't mean 5-6 days a week, 8-12hr shifts, I mean 24hrs a day 365 days a year. A matter of fact I highly doubt that you could last more than a few days in my shoes. (I'm being very generous with that statement!) I'm telling you this in hopes <strike>but not lik<span style="background-color: blue;"></span>ely</strike> that you do more, appreciate me more, understand that I'm only human.<br />
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In the morning I have to get up at 7am to get Jazz up and ready for school. (this is not easy by any means) She fights me every morning, either its too cold or she is too tired or she has every ailment possible. When I finally get her out of bed, it take another 10-15 minutes for her to get dressed. No I cant just walk away after I tell her to get dressed because something always distracts her. Normally Jaidyn is up by now causing chaos, wanting breakfast and his cup filled. (following me screaming until he gets it) In the process of making breakfast for the two and dealing with Jaidyn I have to continuously check on Jazz <strike>who just cant stay focused for the five minutes it should take to get dressed</strike> so we don't run late. During breakfast I have to get her snack together for school and make sure everything is in her backpack that needs to be. This means, no breakfast for me! Just like every other task Jazmyn cant sit still long enough to eat unless I'm on top of her. At this point she has about 20 minutes left to brush her teeth and hair before heading out for the bus. Most times she forgets to do something like put her shoes on or brush her hair even though she was in the bathroom for ten minutes. Rushing her is out of the question because she will have a total melt down and end up going to school in tears. (which I don't want) Have you heard me say once that I sat down and relaxed? NO! Did I mention that your still home, just sleeping!<br />
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After Jazmyn leaves for school its Jaidyns turn to be needy while I try to get house work done, make calls, pay bills, ect.. I always have laundry to do, dishes to clean, messes all around the house. (Its never ending) While I'm cleaning one mess, Jaidyn is making another. If I'm on the phone or online hes screaming for my attention clawing at my legs, jumping off something, or getting into anything he can. Amongst all the craziness I try to fit in a bite to eat but usually can only get in a cup of tea. (that ends up too cold to finish) This continues until around noon when he demands lunch. I wish I could say he sits quietly to eat but not my devil child. He is either dumping or throwing his food all over. After lunch, its nap time. This means taking at least a half hour to lay down with him before he passes out. You see, Jaidyn doesn't or wont fall asleep on his own. While he is asleep I have to finish what tasks I can before Jazz comes home. I admit that there are times that I'm able to sit down but Its not for long. Did I mention that your still home but on the game! You couldn't even manage to let your dam dog out.<br />
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Jazz gets home around 3:30, always talking loud and slamming the door as she comes in. I think Ive told her 800 times to be quieter because her brother is sometimes napping. After she wakes Jaidyn I have to make them both a snack while dealing with his crankiness. They both are very needy and want my attention all the time so If you think I can do much while they are hovering over me MOM Mama MOM Mama you are wrong. Jazmyn wants to tell me about her day and Jaidyn wants to scream and claw at my legs. Did I mention I still have tons of crap to do! You say just leave the mess, not to stress about it but its not me. Besides you end up complaining at some point. At this point you are on your way out the door for work while me frazzled is still trying to get shit done. I have homework to tackle, dinner to make, animals to feed and the last bit of the daily chores to finish. I wish I could say you could help her with her homework but you don't even read the directions and so guide her wrong all the time. You don't sign her book or work either. I wish I could of asked you to do the laundry but you end up getting the clothes mixed up.(I don't fit in Jazmyns clothes and neither her in mine) Oh and at some point the kids need baths.<br />
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I so sugar coated my this but I'm sure you get the point! I DO NOT SIT ON MY ASS ALL DAY! I probably do more here than you do at work. <br />
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</div>Melissahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16860703286756323104noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3403734402959827303.post-82705337613559069772011-01-30T19:35:00.000-08:002011-01-31T06:10:50.889-08:00"Tit Tit Tit" he says as he points!<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">I have been waiting for my son to talk, waiting very patiently. (NOT!) It was driving me nuts that at almost two he could barley say anything at all. Well I guess everyone was right when they said he would do it on his own time because he is trying now. His speech is not perfect but you can put it together. Some words he can pronounce very well, like out, mama, dada, <u>no</u>, nana (banana), Uh Oh, loli (lollipop), Bella (our dog) and even Cali (our cat), azzy (Jazzy his sis) and hot dog or as he says it bot dog. What a break through right? I am so happy that he is starting to talk. Maybe soon he will stop screaming all the time because he will be able to tell me what he wants. I know, wishful thinking right? <br />
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The other day Jaidyn got very upset and started yelling at me "tit tit tit" as he pointed to the stool to his car table. It took me a minute before it registered that he was telling me to sit. That is probably why he became so upset. I did try to correct him but no matter how hard he tried the s just wouldn't come out. I sat and played with him anyway because at least he tried. While it seems cute now I think I can wait for him to say that out loud in public. Can you imagine the looks we will get? (LOL)! He also say ball but its always ba ball! I think that from when we were sounding the word out to teach him. Now he thinks that's how you say it and you cant teach him other wise. He is also nonstop babbling, repeating the same sound over and over and over again. Today the whole way to breakfast he was shouting wow wow wow. We have no idea what he was referring to but it was hysterical. There also is this I can see what everyone was saying when they said " Dont rush, once they talk you'll be begging for them to shut up".<br />
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Well, even though he isn't making sense most of the time I think I'm ready for him to shut up now. Oops did I just say that! I mean isn't that great!<br />
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</div>Melissahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16860703286756323104noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3403734402959827303.post-87169368960659034242011-01-30T19:26:00.000-08:002011-01-31T06:11:54.134-08:00My dog has a crush<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">So, the other night I was sitting on the couch watching TV with the kids when my daughter started laughing hysterically. When I turned to see what was going on I witnessed my dog humping her leg. As I laughed hysterical, I pushed the dog off the couch. After we both were able to stop laughing and catch our breath she told me something a bit concerning (even funnier). She told me how the dog does it every night to her. I think my dog has a crush on my daughter! LOL<br />
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I know this was a short one but I just had to share! </div>Melissahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16860703286756323104noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3403734402959827303.post-74130964719776990402011-01-19T12:58:00.000-08:002011-01-21T13:38:21.376-08:00I am not asking anymore, I am telling you!<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">My 8yr old Jazmyn is just out of control. She seems to think the whole world revolves around her. Everything is an argument. Sometimes I wish she would just shut up and do what I asked her to do. At 8yrs old I don't think its too much ask for her to stop whining and just do it. Its gotten to the point where I don't ask her anymore, I tell her. This way she doesn't think I am giving her an option. Its like she regressed, like I'm starting all over again. I knew that when I had my son things were going to change but not like this. Her behavior is unexceptionable, we have done our best to keep things as they were. Its hard to give 100% of you to two kids at the same time. I have learned that this is impossible, I am only one person! Jaidyn is still very young, therefor needs more tending to.<br />
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The word spoiled keeps getting thrown around when discussing my daughter. A <b>spoiled child</b> (<b style="color: purple;"><u>also called a spoiled brat</u></b><b><span style="color: purple;">!</span></b>) is a child that exhibits behavioral problems from overindulgence by his or her parents (don't forget everyone else!). Yes, I admit my daughter was and is very spoiled. In fact spoiled could be my daughters first name for. What she wants she has got and more since she was born. If we didn't get it for her someone else did. In my defense she was supposed to be an only child. Maybe its guilt but what do I have to be guilty for (having Jaidyn?). If you ask her she will tell you " you don't pay attention to me, your always yelling, we don't do what we used to and most of all I don't get everything I did before. Although that's not much of an excuse is it? I find myself always wanting more for her, yet at the same time knowing she needs less. Part of my problem is I want to give her everything I didn't have and more. Again I admit I have taken this to another level. Now I have to fix the problem but Im having a very hard time doing this.<br />
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I don't expect very much of her, she has to do well in school, keep her room clean, keep her laundry off the floor, feed and water the dog (sometimes the cat). In her eyes I am asking too much, so she fights me all the way. It takes her hours to clean her room when its a 20 min job if that. Most of the time is spent whining! She would rather throw her clothes on the floor then take the few steps to the laundry basket. I have to say this drives me up the wall. Most of the time I even end up feeding and watering all the animals. The one positive thing is she does very well in school! Which I admit is most important to me.<br />
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Lately due to her behavior I have been yelling a lot and being very negative. At times you could probably see the steam coming out my ears. She is truly making me that frustrated! On Thursday night I told her that her room needed to be cleaned Friday night in order for us to do anything over the weekend. It wasn't that easy! She fought with me, telling me that she thought I had already did it. Are you kidding me, all she had to do was look around! I did pick up the blankets off the floor and fixed her couch but that was it. So in the end nothing got accomplished. I sent her to bed at 6:00pm cause I just couldn't deal with it. It didn't end there because every time I turned around she was out of her room playing or watching the living room TV. She has a habit of just ignoring me.<br />
Saturday, I didn't want to stay home and fight with her about her room so we visited her aunt Char.(even though she didn't deserved to go no where!) We had a good time, even ended up staying the night. It was nice to spend some time with them. Char and I stayed up playing just dance till we dropped. We haven't spent time like that in a while. On Sunday,Char had plans to go sleigh riding and we decided to meet up at the hill. We got home around 10:00am to get dressed and head out to meet them. Even though Jazz still hadn't cleaned her room! She gave us such trouble getting ready I was about to cancel and just stay home. Her problem was she wanted to place her gloves on before her boots but then couldn't get her boots on. When she was told to take the gloves off to do it she freaked. Instead she wanted me to just put the boots on for her. WTF! Just do what I said. If you cant get your boots on with your gloves on take them off! Seriously as if I didn't have enough to do. Finally I yelled out " Take your gloves off and put your own fucking boots on or we don't go!" An hour later, she finally did it. Her father felt we should just stay home but I felt like that would of been unfair to Jaidyn plus I couldn't get a hold of my sister. After sleigh riding everyone came over for lunch. After everyone left it was time to tackle what I had been stalling on. Once again she fought about doing it saying " I didn't even make the mess". I finally gave up, placing everything in a pile in the middle of her floor. She had off school Monday and her father off work so we had plans to make it a family fun day. The one stipulation was that her room needed to be cleaned before we had to leave for Jaidyn's dentist appointment. I guess she was just as sick as me of arguing about it because she had it done.<br />
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We ended up going to Friendly's for lunch, then the arcade, and then Funny-E Farm. She was nasty at lunch, extremely greedy in the arcade but did OK at Funny-E Farm until it was time to leave. Do you see what I mean by spoiled! I just wish that she would be more grateful even appreciative of what she gets. Instead nothing is good enough!</div>Melissahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16860703286756323104noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3403734402959827303.post-15641932388806065842011-01-13T20:51:00.000-08:002011-01-21T13:37:14.187-08:00Oh the looks I was getting!<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">My kids, both of them seem to have abnormally loud voices. They pierce through your ears like nails on a chalk board. Normally I am able to keep them not very but somewhat calm and quiet when we go out. Well today was not one of those days.I had a few errands to run and Gus worked late so I was on my own. I realized after I had dropped him back off that maybe I should of just stayed home. We had to make a trip to the mall to get matching outfits for their pictures next Saturday.<br />
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It went fine at first, we went to target for shoes. They had some killer deals on dress shoes for Jazz and Jaidyn found this cute pair of Elmo slippers that he had to have. On the way to the register he took off his shoes and insisted I put on the his new Elmo's. I still had things to do but I complied with his request. Everyone else thought it was adorable, even complimented him on them. It was very cute but I also got looks like why the hell is the kid in slippers. I just ignored them.<br />
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Our next stop was The Children's Place to get the outfits. At this point Jaidyn was done shopping and just wanted to play. While trying to help Jazz pick something out Jaidyn slipped out the door twice. He even crawled under the table and was making faces out the display window at people. I thought to myself after this first 7min in the store "What the hell was I thinking not bringing his stroller". Jazz, thinking it would help started to laugh and play with him. They made me look like a mother who had no control of her kids. I cant blame people for starring and making comments when they were climbing on shelves, knocking things down, screaming and running all over the place. I really though I was gonna get kicked out. About 30 min after entering the store we left with $87 in clothes (two outfits). WTF! <br />
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I decided that maybe if I brought them to McDonald's to eat and play I would be able to get the rest of my errands done. They just acted even crazier there, running around screaming. I just couldn't get them to calm down. They were so load! I just kept asking them to calm down and apologizing for their behavior. I didn't know what else to do! The play room was ice cold so it was hard for them to keep their noisy asses in there. (sorry) I wish my 8yr old would act her age sometimes because she gets him riled up most times. The reason he was screaming was due to her chasing him. Its like she wants to be a baby again! Anyway I made it through. The kids seemed calmer now and I needed to get things done.<br />
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Off to the dreaded Walmart we go. The plan was to go in and get out but that just doesn't work for me in Walmart. I always realize there is more things I need or want. It was going very well at first, the kids were fairly quiet. Jazz was looking around at things, while Jaidyn chilled in the back of the cart. My girlfriend called, so I got distracted and took my eyes off of Jaidyn to grab shampoo. This was a big mistake on my part. He went tumbling out of the cart and cracked his head on the floor. I scooped him up to see if he was OK but he just wanted to cling to me. It took me ten minutes to calm him. After the tears slowed he seemed alright, just scared! Thankfully he didn't crack his head open, not even have a lump. The kid was so lucky. I finished our the little bit of shopping I had left with him in my arms.<br />
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What a nightmare this was! What people must think of me as a mother! How I feel at this very moment writing this!</div>Melissahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16860703286756323104noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3403734402959827303.post-1053313335897535212011-01-11T20:27:00.000-08:002011-01-11T20:27:41.659-08:00The last 24hrsIn the last 24hrs I have been on an emotional roller coaster. Not only struggling with the normal ups and downs of life but so much more. I am sad, confused, numb, hurt, happy, and satisfied all at the same time. Is this even possible? I am going to try to sum it up for you but bare with me if I start to babel a little.<br />
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Yesterday my morning started out pretty awful. It started with an awful fight with my mother which has still not been resolved. This is going to sound terrible but I am having some difficulty accepting her behavior. She just is being very selfish, irresponsible and lazy. Her priorities are not where they should be. All I did was make an doctors appointment for my niece. The poor thing has bad acne on her face and my mom (her care giver) was too lazy to make the appointment. She has time to go out with her boyfriend and play online but its too much to make an appointment for a child who cant make it herself. When I called to let her know I made the appointment she freaked, told me to cancel it. She said that she would do for her and to stop stepping on her toes. The funny part about this is, she is the one who gave me the insurance cards because she depends on me to make the appointments and take them usually. In my opinion I was doing what was best for my niece. How am I stepping on her toes if she doesn't even put her feet on the ground. She does nothing but sit on her ass all day or screw around with her new boyfriend. In the past few years I have watched her change for the worst. I have fought to keep my mouth shut for fear I would hurt her feelings. Why should I worry about hurting hers when she if hurting my niece and nephew. She has my 13yr old niece and 14yr old nephew doing things the mother should be doing. Tell me something If you stayed home all day and did nothing would you expect your children to cooking her own meals, find their own rides to and from her cheer practices, bring their own laundry to the laundry mat as well as go to school, homework, and clean? (there is so much more) She wants good grades but when do they have the time. I think all kids need to learn responsibilities but she takes it to another level. It just isn't realistic in my eyes to put so much on a child. Right now they should be being kids and concentrating on school.Well enough about that, I have to move on because I'm getting chest pains.<br />
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Although I had a rough day my evening ended in smiles. My son had been running around the house in just his diaper. I just hadn't got him in his PJ's yet due to my daughter needing help with homework. When I was finished helping Jazz I just couldn't bring myself to move, so I just sat with her for a while. Out of no where my son comes running into the room with his etch a sketch in hand demanding my attention. As he handed me the toy I realized his diaper was missing! What the hell, how did he manage that. I got a new one and put it on him not realizing that he had just made a huge accomplishment. After I had visited the bathroom and realized he had dumped apple juice all over his potty, or so I thought. After a minute I put it together, it wasn't apple juice. My son had used the potty all by himself. We haven't even started potty training yet. I guess this was his way of telling us he was ready. I'm not going to argue that, diapers aren't cheap!<br />
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Today, I finally heard from early intervention after weeks of waiting for an answer. I'm still trying to process the news. My son was not eligible for speech therapy. They said his scores were too low to receive any assistance. How do I respond to that? He is not speaking and I am concerned with that. On the other hand it was nice to hear that there is nothing wrong with my son. They feel he is well above average in everything but expression and speech. His primary care physician feels the same way but is still sending him to see a ENT specialist. Yet one more thing to reassure the crazy mom who wants her son to speak already!<br />
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So right now I'm still not sure whether to scream or laugh but the one thing I am sure of is I will get through this.Melissahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16860703286756323104noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3403734402959827303.post-34137925556899910142011-01-06T08:21:00.000-08:002011-01-21T13:36:05.122-08:00Laughing!<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgAtsVkAnHTR-YCj0ZV5-M2rqvBy7OLMhEnhPatKKz-LkFTu4KP5SfC4WjL3mW_verwco_iyeimZgwi1xrxyabSYz8FV-jOyCYUU7WWTDOG23utvTw1sI8-PrvXr0gf2tCVvz04797nUpPX/s1600/DSCN0457.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="150" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgAtsVkAnHTR-YCj0ZV5-M2rqvBy7OLMhEnhPatKKz-LkFTu4KP5SfC4WjL3mW_verwco_iyeimZgwi1xrxyabSYz8FV-jOyCYUU7WWTDOG23utvTw1sI8-PrvXr0gf2tCVvz04797nUpPX/s200/DSCN0457.JPG" width="200" /></a><br />
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So my son has this new thing he does. He laughs about nothing and everything. It is so hysterical! I cant even yell at him when he is bad because he just covers his face with his hands whimpers a little then gives me a smile and cracks up. Is he really gonna get the point if I'm yelling and laughing at the same time?(I highly doubt it!)<br />
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Today I was busy cleaning in my bedroom when I heard splashing.Yeah you cant even imagine my disgust when I found him playing in the toilet. Normally leaving the seat closed stops him but he figured out. It gets worse because someone didn't flush, so not only was he playing in a toilet but a dirty toilet.(ahhhhh!) I stripped him down to nothing and started a bath. Bath time was about to be a lot earlier than usual. I tried to scold him but with no luck because he gave me a smile and started laughing. This kid found my weakness!<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiqk4_l61X8EjvaWHucO9OOdC_XRs0IrAD_npaM4TVX4pXUgeyB7IPQ9BXH2H0d80kGToFAdfQAoSq2ShtFu-bqk7IPfS7q45jW-48aBLbo1TRzbQrm_dSu1Th0PeryBEumy-LedT4-pAWK/s1600/DSCN0413.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="150" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiqk4_l61X8EjvaWHucO9OOdC_XRs0IrAD_npaM4TVX4pXUgeyB7IPQ9BXH2H0d80kGToFAdfQAoSq2ShtFu-bqk7IPfS7q45jW-48aBLbo1TRzbQrm_dSu1Th0PeryBEumy-LedT4-pAWK/s200/DSCN0413.JPG" width="200" /></a>As I was finishing the bath I heard a giggle, so I turned around. There Jaidyn was peaking around the corner smiling with the chocolate in his hand. While I was filling the tub he decided to help himself to my baking chocolate. How can I be mad at him? He is so darn cute! He didn't even make a mess. He took the piece of chocolate and then put the box back in its place. What a trip this kid is. Its amazing how fast kids are. I feel like sometimes he is into something else before I can even take another breath.<br />
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I took the chocolate and put him in the bath. He loves the bath so I had a short while of peace or so I thought. Being the pain in the ass he is, he started throwing water out of the tub. I got soaked and what a mess!(at least it was just water and not toilet water) My peace and quiet didn't last very long as you can see. Now he wanted out of the tub. He grabbed the towel and nearly pulled it into the tub saying out. I obeyed the order and removed him from the tub. (LOL!) I honestly don't know what more he could do today!<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhQUVjSB0pCycqw7Zj54P4_2t6jkHdb6Cym5RHgJ7IYwx9hbcqqa9wOr3ylfXqcGDU4goJ2U20nIsqq6wE-_37ijFzweuOIOwRGIM52P4SJO8sUHeqkMC4tE929UZNIAei1zyGb43NVKfMk/s1600/DSCN0456.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhQUVjSB0pCycqw7Zj54P4_2t6jkHdb6Cym5RHgJ7IYwx9hbcqqa9wOr3ylfXqcGDU4goJ2U20nIsqq6wE-_37ijFzweuOIOwRGIM52P4SJO8sUHeqkMC4tE929UZNIAei1zyGb43NVKfMk/s200/DSCN0456.JPG" width="150" /></a><br />
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Remember how I said I gave him a bath, well you should see him now. He got the rest of my baking chocolate while I was eating my breakfast. This time he made it obvious because like I said I cant scold him with a straight face. He emptied the whole box, leaving the box and wrappers on the pantry floor. I knew he was too quiet but I was just being hopeful. He is a mess once again but I will wait till later to give him another bath since he is in the mood to get into everything today.<br />
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Is it just me or does every mother have a hard time finding time to take care of themselves? I didn't even get to eat till about 10:30 today and I'm still not dressed. HELP!!!!!!</div>Melissahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16860703286756323104noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3403734402959827303.post-87846842610342660342011-01-04T12:13:00.000-08:002011-01-21T13:34:37.380-08:00How do I explain this to my child!<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">I am at a loss of words! I just don't know what to say or how to say it so she will understand. I mean how do you explain to your 8yr old that the person she calls grandpa and loves so much has a past. A past that doesn't allow me to trust him alone with her. I have tried so hard to hide this from her yet keep her safe but its getting too hard.<br />
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The only reason this man came into our lives was through my best friend (sister). You see this is her grandfather but he kind of adopted us. I never meant to get so close but I'm not supposed to make it obvious that I know what he did to her. So for the past 7yrs this man has been in our lives. I have pretended even made as normal of a relationship as I can possibly bare. (more for her of course) He has done a lot for us and is a very kind person but that feeling in my stomach is still there when hes around and even more when he is playing with my child. He went through intense therapy for what he did but I truly believe that its not something that goes away if you talk about it. Maybe I'm over reacting because of what happened to me as a child but I just cant shake the feeling. I am very nervous leaving her there even though I know no one would allow him to hurt her. They all say the same thing, that he wouldn't dare. The fact remains that he did at one point and still might be capable. <br />
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Jazmyn loves her tee tee and is very close with her son. They were born three months apart so you can imagine their bond. We are very close with the whole family. Although it is very rare that Jazmyn is over at their house with out me it still happens. Last night was one of those nights and obviously they were not paying close enough attention because she slipped up stairs to grandpas room. When I went to pick her up, her tee tee pulled me aside to let me know. I was pissed because she has been told about being up there. I freaked out until I realized I was bugging on her for something she doesn't even understand. How do I explain this without shattering her. I calmed down and tried to explain to her that it makes me very nervous when she is up there alone or with the other two kids with him. I told her that its not just him, its any man except for her father. I don't know if this was the right way to go about it but she said she understood. She said she would ask first. The worst part about this is I spoke to gramps and told him I was uncomfortable with her being up there. How dare him disrespect my wishes! Again I have to hold my tongue because he doesn't know that I know.<br />
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I could barley sleep last night! The first half of the night I just kept running the scenario over and over in my head. What if? Would she tell me if something happens? Do people and can people really recover or change?<br />
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I keep asking myself why I allowed this in the first place? How could I put my child in this position? <br />
Am I a horrible mom for allowing her to be around him? How do I protect her without hurting my friend?</div>Melissahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16860703286756323104noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3403734402959827303.post-8632288047241525772010-12-28T15:57:00.000-08:002011-01-21T13:35:19.710-08:00Christmas 2010<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj77uPBX-RnA1t7HrPVwSlVwPQTQ6nwB0X8TmAesY1fD5OJkuvLmHw231v_phTdqIGXxnHud8YPkKdx-Zn8l0oLVIxWxnCCT-CB2VcNlKJ77ZYc5I3rddjxgHs4XvnWX-458_lS88XLVs3q/s1600/IMG_4101.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><br />
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My one request for christmas was that my family get together and have dinner. Although not all my family was able to make it I think it turned out nice. My brother Tim just doesn't like family gatherings so opted out on coming and my little brother Charlie had to work or he would of been there. My sister Liz lives in California and couldn't afford to make it down for the holidays. My sister Belinda lives all the way in Virginia and even if invited I don't think she would of come.(but then again I never made the effort to ask) My family isn't very close so its hard to get everyone together. Gus has the same problem because he doesn't talk to his parents or brother and his sister has husband issues so couldn't make it. I'm not sure I really wanted his sister there anyway because she would of brought her husband who we just recently found out abuses her. I would of been miserable around him.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTFldtu6op5fSqb2avg8U0UIs5MU7Q49-gcpW34nMIz8cwFAkg3G4f9H9eBlQexiFWfjh1GUXK565tf7NsCTlb2HCYHOytqKLdWmTCuIpWn35-wBZ7-GuPbysDZMcIOT2Guy-WoPh0xmv6/s1600/IMG_4229.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="150" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTFldtu6op5fSqb2avg8U0UIs5MU7Q49-gcpW34nMIz8cwFAkg3G4f9H9eBlQexiFWfjh1GUXK565tf7NsCTlb2HCYHOytqKLdWmTCuIpWn35-wBZ7-GuPbysDZMcIOT2Guy-WoPh0xmv6/s200/IMG_4229.JPG" width="200" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhyqHh4c5aVSMTZQTgO9bvo6KmDEQV-QzuOCFqon6Uh9OntuLYbrS3NHPz-a1mK-yrp4gnZSLJL0DWkyAcGaies1-uwMdKip09IZZf1zO028o_MBUes5RK3FmmxemGRPXy_6o8r1Tr6muW7/s1600/IMG_4228.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="150" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhyqHh4c5aVSMTZQTgO9bvo6KmDEQV-QzuOCFqon6Uh9OntuLYbrS3NHPz-a1mK-yrp4gnZSLJL0DWkyAcGaies1-uwMdKip09IZZf1zO028o_MBUes5RK3FmmxemGRPXy_6o8r1Tr6muW7/s200/IMG_4228.JPG" width="200" /></a>On Thursday, the day of the dinner I ran around like a crazy person trying to get things done. Jaidyn's car table was still not done, so that was just yet another task that needed to be done.We had to wrap the gifts and run a few errands while Jazz was still in school then home to clean up and start dinner.We made manicotti, breaded chicken, mashed potatoes and steamed veggies. My mom even made her famous punch. I didn't do much of the cooking because that is Gus's thing but helped with what I could. Dinner was a little late due to a mishap with the noodles but in the end turned out pretty good. I had a really nice time and so did my two little ones. My mom was there with my sister Nina and my niece and nephew Nesa and Miguel. Their aunt Charlene was there with all 4 of her kids Jocelyn, Jacob, Krystal and Charlie plus her boyfriend Curt. It was crowded but fun. The kids love being around their family. I was just happy I was able to pull it off with no issues. We did do a gift exchange at the party and from the looks on the kids faces they enjoyed our gifts. Although Krystal's didn't come, can you believe I'm still waiting on it. Its frustrating but I cant magically make it appear. She is a very understanding little girl. Lucky me! Jazz and Jaidyn enjoyed what they got also. Jaidyn got an interactive puzzle, which is something he enjoys and Jazz a kit to make her own lip balm.She opened it the same night and tried to do it with her cousin Krystal. I was happy, the kids were happy and that's all that matters. <br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh3YeV2q_ptYW2IFNnkPSw9lcUzNzRPvGMYcUceLKBj94PE2Ku2jaWXypOAaSGZdPSTd9vdUQr9PBd8b5N031aX6fDll9bcQFa6zfAXUHrRgHQMt-Gy1Ua_plpCuuGcbP6D2JoKx-4BfAom/s1600/IMG_4230.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="150" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh3YeV2q_ptYW2IFNnkPSw9lcUzNzRPvGMYcUceLKBj94PE2Ku2jaWXypOAaSGZdPSTd9vdUQr9PBd8b5N031aX6fDll9bcQFa6zfAXUHrRgHQMt-Gy1Ua_plpCuuGcbP6D2JoKx-4BfAom/s200/IMG_4230.JPG" width="200" /></a>On Friday we had another dinner at Gus's Friends moms house. It's a routine for the past few years to spend Christmas Eve there. We always have lots of fun. They have great food, lots of alcohol, and are amazing people to be around. They even went out and got us all gifts. I was kind of embarrassed because we didn't bring anything for them.(our understanding was no adult gift exchange) They got Jazz and Jaidyn these really nice character sleeping bags. Me and Gus got a waffle maker. They are too generous and we are lucky to have them in our lives. Jaidyn doesn't take to many people but he enjoys being around all of them. He even let Mitchel's mom feed him dinner.(I was shocked!) It was close to 10pm when we left and the kids were still up. Jazz was probably up with excitement about Santa coming. <br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhxfvZQj2UCQEtAcFHsNorlAVIG2MZpdVu1fGjwUfcUt4ibgeVKVjcRDlPXQbq6z_yAxs9DmuZ39eeUivEfy9nXMtx1LNMabKOl3iakHnuccecfZUaf4go3P30KZX2SB_OfAreanuJt4Qsz/s1600/IMG_4079.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhxfvZQj2UCQEtAcFHsNorlAVIG2MZpdVu1fGjwUfcUt4ibgeVKVjcRDlPXQbq6z_yAxs9DmuZ39eeUivEfy9nXMtx1LNMabKOl3iakHnuccecfZUaf4go3P30KZX2SB_OfAreanuJt4Qsz/s200/IMG_4079.JPG" width="199" /></a></div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhbnE3sSrx08dsxBHe9etf552DjUo8pE3ivIgguXrNeSeeAZFjrqMF5MnJt44wjUdFrpGYAaDLp3pVa1uwYAhqihYkfkng-w7QPnhM7R82LxXT1OjedbKIRp_LkuOygIq5-rvs7QwxqnMb-/s1600/IMG_4089.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="150" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhbnE3sSrx08dsxBHe9etf552DjUo8pE3ivIgguXrNeSeeAZFjrqMF5MnJt44wjUdFrpGYAaDLp3pVa1uwYAhqihYkfkng-w7QPnhM7R82LxXT1OjedbKIRp_LkuOygIq5-rvs7QwxqnMb-/s200/IMG_4089.JPG" width="200" /></a>Christmas morning around 2 am we filled the stockings and placed the gifts under the tree. We were very lucky that both kids slept till 8:30am. (ah sleep something I needed) I was kind of surprised at this because Jazz is normally up at the crack of dawn on Christmas. When they finally awoke and saw the presents their faces were priceless. They both grabbed gifts and started tearing things open. Jaidyn got so excited at one point he started dancing. It was so cute. All Jazmyn was concerned about was which gift was her DS. Which I have to say put a smile on my face to see her expression when she opened it. After they had opened everything up Jazmyn looked over at us and says "That's it! I didn't even get everything I asked for." I was so shocked I couldn't respond at first. I thought we had done good. She got the three things she said she wanted most. (The DS with accessory kit and games, Bop it, The Fushigi ball + lots more) I realized at that moment that everyone was right. My daughter is beyond spoiled! In a way this is our fault because what princess wants princess gets. That's how its been since she was born. She was my first and only for 7yrs. Trying hard not to be mad so we could enjoy the rest of the day I explained to her that she should just be grateful for what she got. If not I could always send the gifts back to Santa. I'm pretty sure this snapped her out of it because she smiled and said "I am grateful". What she didn't know at this point was that we had one more gift. We got her the electric scooter she has been asking for but it was in the process of being shipped. I cant wait to see her face! Although after what she said I am having second thoughts about giving it to her. Jaidyn seemed to love everything he got especially the car table we made from scratch. Everyone participated in making it a very special gift. Most of his gifts were able to be used with the table.<br />
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Gus and I got everything we wanted and more. We both got androids, A 42 inch flat screen TV. I got the Steve Madden coat I wanted so bad and Gus his Need for Speed, Halo, and Black Ops x box games. None of this mattered as much as having dinner with the family on Thursday and seeing the kids expressions when they opened their gifts.<br />
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After hrs of enjoying our new toys it was time to clean up. In the process I came across a little blue bag sitting on the tree. We were unsure who it was for so we asked Jazz since it was clearly a hand made gift from school. This was a very special moment for me. She almost put me in tears. She say "Oh, that's grandpa's gift". I thought she was talking about her adopted grandpa at first but she quickly corrected me. ("Not that grandpa mom, grandpa Charlie") She asked if we could place it on his grave. How sweat is that! <br />
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Our day wasn't over yet! We were invited to Christmas dinner at my sister Faiths house. This has also become a tradition.(works for me because we don't have to cook) They are like second family to me. Her son Angel and Jazmyn are very close, almost like siblings. Mom, Nesa and Miguel were also invited this year. It was nice to have everyone together! Dinner was great, we had calzones, potato balls, pesto and cheese raviolis. Everyone seemed to have a good time.(lots of laughing which is always good) This was also a gift exchange but thankfully they listened to the kids only part. Jazz got $30, a tripod flashlight and DS games. Jaidyn got 2 Thomas train sets. Angel and Tali loved their gifts from us and all the kids seemed quite satisfied for the night. <br />
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So as you can see we had an amazing 3 days. I couldn't of asked for a better Christmas! Oh I almost forgot, on Sunday we had my adopted brother Noel 21st birthday party and it was my nephew Miguel's birthday.</div>Melissahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16860703286756323104noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3403734402959827303.post-90365022728259279982010-12-24T13:12:00.000-08:002011-01-21T13:32:58.329-08:00Bella and the UPS guy.<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">First, let me explain to you that my dog Bella is not the aggressive type. She is very friendly even to strangers. The worst thing she might do is pee on you because that's what happens when she gets excited. On a normal day she greats you with a wag of the tail and kisses.<br />
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On Wednesday I had been waiting for a package all day so when there was a knock at the door I opened it with out thinking. Bella ran to the door barking and wiggling her tail as I opened it. I told her to sit and blocked her with my leg. The guy handed me the package and asked me to sign. He seemed OK with the dog sitting next to me at the door but then things went bad. As I was signing, I unconsciously let my guard down switching positions giving Bella room to get out. You see the delivery guy recognized me and we started to chat. Bella squeezed between my leg and the door frame just as I was handing the guy his device. I could not catch her. She wasn't trying to harm him, just say Hi but the guy freaked out. I have honestly never seen someone jump that high or run so fast. Before I knew it he jumped off the porch and started running towards his truck. Things just spun out of control from there because Bella thought he was playing so chased him close behind. I tried to tell him she wouldn't bite and to stop running but I was laughing so hard I could barley get it out. The guy did not stop until he was in his truck with the door shut behind him. <br />
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There was another delivery guy who got out the driver side to see what was going on. It just happened to be our regular UPS guy, so he knew Bella was harmless. He smiled at me and called to Bella. Bella ran over wiggling her tail soaking up the attention. I apologized and sent Bella inside. I feel so bad for the other guy, he never came back out of the truck. Every time I think of this I cant help but smile and laugh a little. I just had to share this!</div>Melissahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16860703286756323104noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3403734402959827303.post-80609878266216687642010-12-17T15:39:00.000-08:002011-01-21T13:32:19.545-08:00The homework incident.<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">Let me first start off by telling you that my daughter is a straight A student. She rarely gets in trouble in school and the few times she has were for chatting in class. I am extremely strict when it comes to her education because I would like her to succeed. What I am about to tell you might be shocking because it was for me. I mean she is only eight years old to pull such a stunt.<br />
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Wednesday when I asked Jazmyn if she had homework she told me " No, I did it on the bus". I was extremely busy so I just took her word for it.(that was my first mistake) You see, Gus and I had made plans to have dinner and see a movie before he left for San Diego on Thursday. I had to get everything cleaned up and the kids packed to go to their aunt Kim's. I'm not even going to get into it right now but we ended up not going at all. We got home around 7:30- 8:00 and so I started to get thing set for the next day while she changed into her PJ's. Everyday I have to review and sign her organizer. When I was reviewing her work I realized that it wasn't Jazmyn's hand writing. I lost it! Not only did someone else do the work but they put wrong answers. I know my daughter knows that 9+2 doesn't equal 4. <br />
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I demanded to know who had done the homework but she just kept saying " I did it" "I told you I did it on the bus". She even tried to convince me that she could write like that but only in school. I told her I knew she was lying and that she needed to tell me the truth now because the longer she waits the more trouble she would be in. Still she insisted that she did her homework. I even showed her how everyone's hand writing is different but she didn't break. I was already mad about what had happened at their aunts house and had absolutely no <u>PATIENCE</u> for her crap. At this point I had enough, so I took her homework and ripped it to peaces. She freaked out saying "I'm gonna get in so much trouble" "My teacher is going to be so mad". I than started to look at the work in her folder from the week and realized it had occurred more than once. I probably would of caught it earlier if I was the only one checking her work. I had appointments this week, so some days Gus did it with her. He never checked her work when she said that she did it on the bus. This was my breaking point!! I told her I would be visiting her teacher the next day and sent her to bed.<br />
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In the morning I asked her once again before school if she was ready to tell me the truth. She continued to lie. I needed a second opinion so I brought the work even the ones I ripped up to show her teacher. The teacher agreed that this was not her writing. She than explained to Jazz that everyone's hand writing was different, that there was no use in lying because we already knew someone else did it. The teacher reassured me that Jazmyn would be doing the work over at snack time and that they would keep a eye out. I felt like we had still gotten no where because Jazz still insisted she had done it but at least someone else saw it too. After leaving the classroom I went to see the principle so he could deal with the other child. I knew exactly who the girl was. It was Lisette, one of the 4th graders that live in the park too. The principle said he would be discussing the situation with her and her parents. I still question whether I took it to far getting the other girl in trouble but whats done is done.<br />
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When Jazmyn got home from school I figured I would try asking her one last time before grounding her for life. I very calmly said "Are you ready to tell me the truth yet" but she shook her head no. A few seconds later she said "Lisette took my homework and did it but I didn't ask her to". I explained to her that if that was the case she should of told me when I asked her about her homework not lied about it. I told her that lying about it just made things worse. That If she would of said something when she got off the bus that day I wouldn't of been mad and she wouldn't be grounded. <br />
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I am very disappointed in my daughters actions and can only hope they wont be repeated in the future. I am being told that me grounding of three days isn't sufficient but I feel like this is her first time pulling something like this. Her father wants to ground her till the 30th but I feel like that is too harsh. Her adopted grandma says to ground her for 2 months but that's even harsher. I don't want her to do this again, so I know she needs to see that her action have consequences. Where do you draw the line? It seems like I'm so good at giving everyone else parenting advice but do it with my own kids.</div>Melissahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16860703286756323104noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3403734402959827303.post-47538119870578130042010-12-14T21:16:00.000-08:002011-01-21T13:31:35.999-08:00A day in my life!<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">Today was just one of those days! I crawled out of bed at 7:15 only to find out there was a two hour delay and I could of slept in. I so could of used the extra sleep, my son has kept me up for two nights. I didn't mind having Jazmyn home because she kept Jaidyn occupied so I could attempt to get a few things done.(instead of taunting him) I was able to partially finish one of my tasks which was putting plastic up on the windows and make two phone calls. (yeah me!) Around 10:00 Jazz headed out to the bus stop only to return a few minutes later. Her bus had been in an accident down the street. I called the school only to be told that a new bus was already in route. Again I sent Jazz out to catch the bus but again she came back in saying the police told her to go inside. I called the school again and was told that the bus that was sent out missed our stop. I had to wait 20 min before they called back saying they were sending another one out. Finally after multiple phones calls and sending jazz out three times she got on the bus at around 11:40.<u> Just the start to a wonderful day!</u> (<b>sarcasm</b>) <br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhkFZu4CweN2mIwkNasoazhdWuTlbj-8xUtG2ZsFBVsGMgvnourzTbrm9MtsnPIjA1iL69Jba66MBzdEG9fbsbu4s9-jK9CH4G67K3uYpU7pvD8-CWvTiOxWy_SbTn72IOCRQu0mc_zwFhx/s1600/pudding.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhkFZu4CweN2mIwkNasoazhdWuTlbj-8xUtG2ZsFBVsGMgvnourzTbrm9MtsnPIjA1iL69Jba66MBzdEG9fbsbu4s9-jK9CH4G67K3uYpU7pvD8-CWvTiOxWy_SbTn72IOCRQu0mc_zwFhx/s200/pudding.jpg" width="188" /></a>After Jazz left Jaidyn started in with his crying. Nothing would calm him down! He went into my cabinet and got himself a pudding. Hoping this would calm him I opened it and sat him down. It did for a short while but it also made a huge mess! When he was done I figured a bath was in order so I started the tub. In the process of filling the tub he wiped his hands all over Jazmyn's couch. After getting him in the tub I attempted to clean the mess he had just made up. What a challenge that was since he didn't want to take a bath.(more screaming) I cleaned him up and laid him down for a nap. Thank god some peace, or so I thought. Instead of doing everything I was supposed to do I ended up on the phone with my mom helping her pick out my niece and nephews christmas gifts. Before I knew it Jaidyn came running into the living room screaming. I got really frustrated and yelled at him "will you shut up and go away". I know what a terrible thing to say but it just came out. Then I realized what time it was. It was almost 2:00 and he hadn't ate lunch yet so I made him lunch. I wish I could say that worked but he cried while he was eating too. I finally I just put his plate on the coffee table so it was in his reach and let him eat when he felt like it.<br />
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I had phone calls to make, the house house to clean, laundry to be done and folded. It may not seem like much but its hard when you have a kid either screaming in the back round, getting into to something or smothering you to death. At this point I had only got a few phone calls in and picked up the house a bit. I had one hr before I had to head out for my appointment. I took a chance, set up his blocks and hopped in the shower. That was a mistake! He dumped his lunch all over the floor, the blocks were everywhere and somehow he got my eye glasses off the sink. Blind and frustrated I searched the house for my glasses. It was just luck I found them. (not broke or scratched) I finally was dressed and ready to go but the house was a mess. There was no time, I had to get to my appointment. After my appointment I had to stop at Micheal's craft store for the letter stencils I needed to finish Jaidyn's table and pick up a site to store shipment at Walmart. In the 2 1/2 hrs I was gone you would think Gus would of cleaned up a bit. Nope, I guess that was too much to ask. He did absolutely nothing the whole time I was gone except make dinner. (spaghetti with meat sauce) The house was more of a mess than I had left it.<br />
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I managed to scarf down my food while Gus prepared himself for darts. It wasn't long after he left that I realized, Jaidyn was soaked through everything. You would think Gus would at least change his son. This really frustrates me because he will do anything to avoid changing a diaper. At night if I don't get up with Jaidyn he wont get changed and Ill have to wash his bedding in the morning. If I could only make Gus see how it feels to wear his own pee and shit maybe he would make some effort. After giving Jaidyn another bath I started to clean up. Jazz needed to do her homework so I had to juggle cleaning and Jaidyn. It is so hard! He was running room to room turning on the radios and TV's. He ended up emptying yet another roll of toilet paper and wrecking Jazmyn,s room. Its like for every mess I clean up he makes 4 more. I just cant keep up anymore!I laid both the kids down in my bed and proceeded to start the letter stenciling on Jaidyn's table. It wasn't long before I got frustrated and gave up for the night.<br />
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Its 9:00, everything is finally quiet. I'm so tired but I need to vent. All I can think of is I have to do this all over again tomorrow. I feel like a single mom sometimes. ahhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!</div>Melissahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16860703286756323104noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3403734402959827303.post-68100521046875768942010-12-13T13:02:00.000-08:002011-01-21T13:30:11.438-08:00<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div style="color: black; font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif; text-align: right;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b></b></span><span style="color: black; font-size: large;"><b style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br />
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<div style="background-color: white; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"> <b style="color: #660000; font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><u>Battenfield Tree Farm</u></b></span></div><br />
<div style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;">Our Family trip to<span style="background-color: white;"> pick our tree </span></span></div><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white;"><br />
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<div style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b><span style="font-size: large;">After almost 2 hrs we found the perfect tree!</span></b></div><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgsMvnG_LXMuOTTwWKJgQxSXaIl3znuA9ornZ2vYrdmLqgely5fdIt1eCwjr1_HWZUK5uodRAnNPHmRgFRGyMN4Z_rZWMy6xafRGupFJw7uZ1wuaL-Q-MAzX3df05Bh0Y_THDK3bfM-kfK2/s1600/Photo0140.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="120" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgsMvnG_LXMuOTTwWKJgQxSXaIl3znuA9ornZ2vYrdmLqgely5fdIt1eCwjr1_HWZUK5uodRAnNPHmRgFRGyMN4Z_rZWMy6xafRGupFJw7uZ1wuaL-Q-MAzX3df05Bh0Y_THDK3bfM-kfK2/s200/Photo0140.jpg" width="200" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh8IHCOmxiGjZV3d_nu1BYhmOD7qJHHb_bJIyVlWA1EobJHZV6xBAqM78DA8ou4EqBQ1W3l1b81y9yKc_rLIrP5BaOxbxFSiiaM8RSOEiZgc6w1eNSN4AnXgNeiAgNdIAdybP-fA-UJaTvA/s1600/Photo1117_001.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="150" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh8IHCOmxiGjZV3d_nu1BYhmOD7qJHHb_bJIyVlWA1EobJHZV6xBAqM78DA8ou4EqBQ1W3l1b81y9yKc_rLIrP5BaOxbxFSiiaM8RSOEiZgc6w1eNSN4AnXgNeiAgNdIAdybP-fA-UJaTvA/s200/Photo1117_001.jpg" width="200" /></a></div> <span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"> </span></span><br />
<div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"> The kids working hard </span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"> to cut the tree down</span></span></div><br />
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</div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;">Now just to load it on the <u>Tree Taxi</u><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"> so it can be brought down the mountain to be netted for the trip home</span></span></div><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjTZf67CApi4H30K719Uqo4Nwpz9DFUFtwMqih-aj6UM-87SH_E90IOE3rwflkxikVmiR5tsd3Fh7DssDIQF3UpihszO01FHUM9m0LDxSmmSc8_IeJuub__WEhG7LTd-JBd1FnsKapKkpoo/s1600/Photo1125_001.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjTZf67CApi4H30K719Uqo4Nwpz9DFUFtwMqih-aj6UM-87SH_E90IOE3rwflkxikVmiR5tsd3Fh7DssDIQF3UpihszO01FHUM9m0LDxSmmSc8_IeJuub__WEhG7LTd-JBd1FnsKapKkpoo/s320/Photo1125_001.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br />
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</div><div style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"> The treacherous walk down.</span></div><div style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"> Brr It was cold!</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">and</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">we were awfully tired<br />
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</div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif; font-size: large;">Jazmyn next to a tree someone topped with a coffee cup</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif; font-size: large;">(<u>She thought it was funny</u>)</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhdY_lMma2Dc1n3v36Pl2nG2GQ_euflrHKBNq0VD7aIfNc-pjWgJUtGJvxsFlDFEUXpssdhn7ufUd9aPdm6w0_r_RcEweuZ5rQLxN_P2JXgbuZtiqgQZnIWQaespz2eePZmzcwR9otHuaA8/s1600/Photo0152.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhdY_lMma2Dc1n3v36Pl2nG2GQ_euflrHKBNq0VD7aIfNc-pjWgJUtGJvxsFlDFEUXpssdhn7ufUd9aPdm6w0_r_RcEweuZ5rQLxN_P2JXgbuZtiqgQZnIWQaespz2eePZmzcwR9otHuaA8/s320/Photo0152.jpg" width="192" /></a></div><br />
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<div style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjqHk1RTMRjDrzBfWc5n9oTWmo1U7M29TnQfkL0imEoF_1f4cl_u-9Il2uNRajb0Clw57YhERwA8IJAmfODgmGPx3NS94d-HqmSHCASnBvw4qPvN3CEZQBytwIvFS1NPIbFfIdj_j_J5AEE/s1600/Photo0149AM.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="163" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjqHk1RTMRjDrzBfWc5n9oTWmo1U7M29TnQfkL0imEoF_1f4cl_u-9Il2uNRajb0Clw57YhERwA8IJAmfODgmGPx3NS94d-HqmSHCASnBvw4qPvN3CEZQBytwIvFS1NPIbFfIdj_j_J5AEE/s200/Photo0149AM.jpg" width="200" /></a><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Warming up next to the fire pit</span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">before heading home </span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"> The tree is up and ready to decorate</span></span><br />
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</span></u></div><div style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif; text-align: center;"><u><span style="font-size: large;">Time to eat!</span></u></div><div style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;">(brown sugar ham, mashed potatoes) (veggies and biscuits)</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">YUMMMM!</span></span></div><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg9HS6FJKMUg8TTfsRZqaLv2KRx4hJbsUYLkvMaP17wPKaoIW7bbLFbXI8OmTz89wr6f9KBYZo_6-a80b8Cglq7AMHyh-r-A4SGI8aoSXRLd-8OCFUUw8-GKsUkTyk1P6PLh2h4emqxKjOn/s1600/Photo1162_001.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg9HS6FJKMUg8TTfsRZqaLv2KRx4hJbsUYLkvMaP17wPKaoIW7bbLFbXI8OmTz89wr6f9KBYZo_6-a80b8Cglq7AMHyh-r-A4SGI8aoSXRLd-8OCFUUw8-GKsUkTyk1P6PLh2h4emqxKjOn/s320/Photo1162_001.jpg" width="240" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgo5Ia2U7gM0Ab5QQJII6aXCuaU7PowldwHOO-4iuUSHqDmlAvJEmdxGKGHEzOhQyY_Tt0bTPY5lXE3jW_DhVv0lGQpMkDyBQ53cUtJxaesdtw-T1ODvX_KmjCDs5ZaNOJr1b-k50noUM5O/s1600/Photo1161_001A_002.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgo5Ia2U7gM0Ab5QQJII6aXCuaU7PowldwHOO-4iuUSHqDmlAvJEmdxGKGHEzOhQyY_Tt0bTPY5lXE3jW_DhVv0lGQpMkDyBQ53cUtJxaesdtw-T1ODvX_KmjCDs5ZaNOJr1b-k50noUM5O/s320/Photo1161_001A_002.jpg" width="203" /></a></div><span style="color: black; font-size: large;"><b style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;"></b><span style="background-color: #ffd966; font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;"></span></span><br />
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</div><div style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"> Decorated the tree and watched </span></div><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">(Santa Claus 1,2,and 3)</span></span></div></div>Melissahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16860703286756323104noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3403734402959827303.post-35695237841571043032010-12-10T20:16:00.000-08:002011-01-21T13:29:39.980-08:00The Good in my Life<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">Today I am dedicating my blog to the positive things in my life. I think that sometimes we get so caught up in the negative that we fail to recognize the good in our lives.<br />
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I'm not trying to brag but I have the most amazing kids. My 8yr old Jazmyn is so beautiful. She has long dirty blond hair which seems to be darkening with age. Intense blue eyes which change depending on her mood. If they are gray stay out of her way. When she was just a couple months old she won first in the Sunburst USA beauty contest. It was kind of crazy cause the parents were actually putting makeup on their kids while I just put her in a pretty dress.(which I still have) She is intelligent, a straight A student. Her only weakness is writing her thoughts on paper which is getting better this year. She is very helpful most of the time unless its cleaning her room or picking out her own clothes in the morning. Although this morning with a lot of encouragement I was able to get her to pick her clothes out and get dressed. She has a great sense of style, I just wish she would use it more often. (Mom, I don't know what to wear!) I don't remember it being so difficult when I was a her age. The pressures in school probably don't help with that. She has a strong personality and takes no crap from anybody. In that way she is just like her mommy. Lets not forget her over exaggerated emotional side. I'm telling you sometimes she spends the whole day whining and crying about everything. Her biggest melt downs are when she cant beat a level in a video game or doesn't like what we made to eat. She also brings a new meaning to <u>Big Sister</u>. I'm telling you she is truly amazing with him. They have their moments of course but most times they are attached at the hips. Just the other day we were in McDonald's and I had to pee so she says "Go ahead mom Ill watch him". I may not of taken her up on that offer but what 8yr old volunteers to watch their baby brother. At this exact moment they are playing cars enjoying spending time with each other. You would think they would get sick of each other. Jaidyn is the first person she thinks of when she gets home from school. It is so cute! All these things make Jazmyn who she is and I wouldn't change any of it. (who am I kidding lol)<br />
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My 18 month old son Jaidyn has also been blessed with blue eyes and blond hair except he has little curls in the back. He is very smart, almost too smart. The only thing he is not doing at his age level or above is speaking. I think he is just listening and taking it all in because when you ask him to do something he will. Its like he understands what you are saying but cant voice it himself. I'm sure when he can talk I'll be begging him to shut up. He is a very helpful little boy, likes to help with laundry, dishes, sweep the floor, even picks up his toys when asked. If he makes a mess he will go to the cabinet and take a paper towel to clean it up or will pick up what he dropped and throw it out. The boy even puts his clothes in the hamper. I know it probably won't last but let me enjoy the moment. Sometimes him wanting to be helpful can get a little over whelming because he makes the task take longer. The kid even tells you when he needs to be changed by pulling at his diaper. I think the one thing about him that I cant figure out if I love or hate is how clingy he is. Sometimes I feel like the boy is smothering me but others I just cant get enough. What an amazing kid, I am so grateful to have him in my life. <br />
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I have to say I am also very lucky to have such a wonderful partner. He is really goofy and immature but he has a good heart and is there for me. Our kids get their blond hair and blue eyes from him. Sadly they look more like him than me. (but I'm not mad) He has been there for me in ways that I could never repay him for. He changed my father diapers on his death bed for gods sake. You know what else, he puts up with my intense personality. (anyone who knows me knows how hard that is) He is not perfect by all means but he is mine. I know in my heart that he is who I will spend the rest of my life with. Its not even just what he does for me, its what he does for his kids. He may not be the perfect father but he tries his best.<br />
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These are just a few of the good things in my life. I feel I'm pretty darn lucky!</div>Melissahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16860703286756323104noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3403734402959827303.post-38962898316628727102010-12-09T17:31:00.000-08:002011-01-21T13:28:43.302-08:00Early Intervention<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">Due to my concerns regarding my sons speech and behaviors I made the decision to get Early Intervention involved. I was so nervous to have someone coming in my home that I went crazy this morning trying to make things perfect. I felt like she would judge me if my house didn't sparkle. Jaidyn was not having it, every time I cleaned up one room he would mess something up in another. He went from room to room pulling the dirt out of all the flower pots, pulled all his books off the bookshelf, dumped apple sauce all over him, the chair and table. It did not stop there. He is such a handful sometimes, actually all the time. I thought I would have help from his father but nope. He left me to deal with it all! It would of been nice for him to stay, maybe voice his concerns and hear what the women had to say. Typical him depending on me to deal with it on my own. I did it though and things turned out alright. <br />
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The women they sent out was very pleasant. She listened to my concerns making note of them and didn't judge me or make me feel like a bad parent. I felt comfortable talking to her. She told me how her daughter had severe separation anxiety so she knew how I was feeling. Its nice sometimes to hear that someone else is going or has went through the same thing as you. Although I didn't want to hear that it could take months if not years to go away. Jaidyn also made it very easy for her to understand. I really didn't have to tell her any of my concerns because my son showed her how over whelming he can be. At one point he took the papers out of my hands and threw them on the floor. (another words pay attention to me now!!!) I tried to lay him down for his nap so I could do the paperwork but he was not having that. He screamed every time I left the room and always came running back into the living room. The paperwork that should of taken just a few minutes ended up taking about a half hour. She also saw that he wasn't talking like he should be, just pointing and whining.On the positive side she feels that Jaidyn is doing everything else well above his age. This wasn't much of a surprise to me but still nice to hear. Our next step is setting up the assessment to see if he is eligible for services. I should know whats going on with in the next few weeks.</div>Melissahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16860703286756323104noreply@blogger.com2