Monday, December 6, 2010by Melissa | 2 comments | Labels: , , , , , , , , ,

My son Jaidyn is a now 18 months old and still not talking. The doctor says he should be saying 8-10 words but he is not. I am truly becoming concerned. He says things or at least it sounds like he does but mostly he points and cries. Dont get me wrong because he is clear about what he wants, just doesn't speak it. He will lead you right to it and point. He understands directions such as pick that up and throw it out and no. Most people who meet my so are amazed by how smart he is. Am I pushing for too much too soon? Everyone I speak to tells me that boys don't pick things up as quickly as girls but I still worry. Maybe I am even just comparing his progress to where my daughter Jazmyn was at 18 months. Is this even a legitimate concern or am I just analyzing the situation too much?

Its not only the fact that he isn't speaking but his behaviors too. He is so attached to me that he is smothering me. How horrible is that?! (I FEEL SMOTHERED BY MY OWN CHILD) He needs me at all times to function, no one else will do. I have to be the one to read him the book, play blocks or change his diaper even though someone else is sitting right there. My sister says its the age but he has to do everything I do. If I'm doing dishes he has to be on the counter next to me cheering me on, he has to help me do the laundry, sweep the floors..... Dont get me wrong I would be grateful for the help if it didn't just cause more of a mess or make it more complicated. Listen to me, I'm complaining because my son wants to help but I cant even get my 8yr old to clean her room without an argument. LOL

Leaving Jaidyn anywhere is a very rare occurrence due to his separation anxiety. When I have appointments I have to make them short and sweat because he will scream the whole time until I come back for him. I almost feel guilty putting people through that, putting my son through it. It wasn't always like this, I used to be able to leave him with my mom but not so much anymore. Ever since her new boyfriend  came along my kids are not up there on the priority list. (sorry I had to throw that in) Now my son on the occasion she will babysit screams for her. He even screams for his dad but thankfully that is getting better.

So I am asking for your opinion. Is this normal?


4timesblessed said...

The separation anxiety is normal at his age as for the speech, I maintain my suggestion that if you are concerned to cal Early Intervention. Try to start some baby sign. When he realizes that it is getting him results easier and in a less frustrating way he will start using it, and drop them when he gains his speech. I totally feel you on the smothered feeling. Children at that age like to help and mimic what Mommy does. It is how they learn. I would suggest maybe putting a small dish pan of water on the table with some plastic(and I stress the word plastic) dishes in it when you are doing dishes. Let him wash them. Not only will it give him the feeling of independence it will also teach him that he can help while giving you time to breathe. Yes, you might want to drop clothe your floor with some towels. LOL and the first couple times it might not work but maintain the consistency of giving him the opportunity to help without being right beside you. Love ya and hang in there.

Anonymous said...

It's very normal.

Separation Anxiety - Make your goodbyes short and sweet. Don't sneak out and don't stop if he starts to cry. Just go do your thing. When you come back every time he will start to get it. When you come back, make a show about missing him, give him some time and all will improve eventually.

Playing on his own - Good luck. At this point the interaction with you helps him. Give him things to do. I let my 3 year old play in the sink while I was sweeping, or mop the floor after I had already done it.

I assume he is on his way to speech therapy? If not, make it happen. Also, remain calm but refuse to give him what he wants until he verbalizes it. "Do you want juice? Say Juice" Children (especially second born, tend to not speak because their needs and wants are indirectly given to them without them needing to verbalize it. Make a show of it when he does.

Get yourself a latte and Jaidyn a sippy cup and watch some alphabet vids with him. Don't stress yourself, it is normal to feel smothered.

Brandon loves to empty the dishwasher. He likes to help try and carry groceries into the house. He carries 3 pieces of clothes to the washer and I carry the rest of the load. Ask him to put the forks on the table. These are things he may not do very well, but they make him feel like he is helping and encourage helpfullness.

I hope this helps!

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